So, How Can I Make Progress?
Start with Some Stories
The first step is to capture some of your success stories. Years ago a man named Arthur Miller developed a tool called SIMA (System for Identifying Motivated Abilities) that sought to answer two questions: what am I good at, and what is motivating to me. SIMA still exists as does a shorter version, the MCORE.
Think through different periods of your life, going all the way back to childhood remembering things you accomplished that gave you some sense of satisfaction. Maybe you were the captain of the debate team or maybe you just helped someone through a difficult time. It can be a small thing or a big thing, something that gained you a measure of fame or meant nothing to anyone but you. The key: it was an accomplishment, and it meant something to you.
Start with childhood and work your way through your teenage and young adult years up to the present. You could have a story from something that happened last week. Write up 3-5 stories in paragraphs or just bullet points.
Ask yourself: what do I see myself doing in this story? How did my actions contribute to a good outcome? What do I like about this story and how I move in it?
When you are done, find a person who cares about you and is willing to listen. Explain the exercise to them, and when you both have a free hour, talk through each story. Feel free to expand on the stories as you talk through them. Invite your listener to tell you what they notice—what they hear and what they see.
When you are done, write a quick summary of what you have heard and read it to yourself every day! This is not some cheap self-help technique, but a way to start replacing fear-based distorted thinking with a more objective and helpful perspective.
Develop the Habit of Gratitude
Our brains become hard-wired by the things we repeatedly think, feel and do over time. We will want to replace our fearful projections, our worry and dissatisfaction with how we are made with something simple: gratitude. How do we bake gratitude into who we are in such a way that there is little room left for things such anxiety and envy?
Spend at least 5 minutes each day simply writing down the things for which you are grateful. This is not just work for a poet, or philosopher, it’s for a regular human being, it’s for you! Come up with at least three things every day. They can be deep and meaningful—“I’m thankful for my daughter”—or simple—“I’m thankful for the cardinal outside of my window.” You can add and exercise at your dinner table: “what’s one thing for which you are thankful today?”
Short-Term, Long-Term
In the short term, you will want some words to describe what you do that is helpful. That is what the story exercise is designed to help you discover. The Clifton Strengths (StrengthsFinder) assessment is another way to give words to your unique talents. I have coached many a person through their Clifton Strengths results and it has always been helpful. This is another shorter term strategy.
Your current way of thinking about your God-given abilities has been at work for years. It will not change without adopting new habits, and practicing them regularly. Daily expressions of gratitude are not a quick fix, but they are a start in creating a mindset that more accurately reflects reality.
I’m always interested in your feedback or questions. I can be reached at dan@dupeestrengths.com.